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What do you think of this story idea and it's characters?

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#1 Guest_Alyse_*

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 10:49 AM

The father is an important, rich man who holds a secret code to a powerful weapon. A crime agency is targeting his daughter, trying to get it. He hires a boy to watch her at school and anywhere she goes. At first, she hates the whole thing but then they begin to fall in love. While they are on a date, men from the agency knock him out and kidnap her. The boy goes to save her. WDYT?


Andrew Christopher Gaines

-40 years old

-5ft 10' tall

-deep brown eyes

-white hair


-hard working


-scared of dentists


Rosalie (Rosie) Quinn Gaines

-17 years old

-5ft 7' tall

-muddy brown eyes

-medium brown hair



-sometimes lazy

-scared of flying


Peter David Ingram

-18 years old

-6ft tall

-ice blue eyes

-dark blonde hair



-can be nagging

-scared of loud noises


#2 Katie-Nana


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Posted 27 December 2012 - 11:23 AM

I think it is an interesting premise, like the movie The Pacifier (with Vin Diesel) and the movie Chasing Liberty (with Mandy Moore) mixed together.

I'm just not sure it sounds very believable that a guy who is worried about protecting his daughter from a professional crime agency would hire a guy with no experience who is still in high school (or right out of high school) to protect his daughter.

I think it would be more believable if he were a younger looking professional body guard or someone who would have similar experience who wouldn't stand out in too much among high schoolers (kind of like in Chasing Liberty).

#3 Guest_Alyse_*

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:18 PM

The boy is a professional. He has been trained.

#4 purplegal7


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Posted 02 May 2013 - 08:43 PM

I think you should make the boy 19 at the least... I'm thinking 21.. could the dad not want them to be together because he doesnt want the daughter dating not only the person he's paying to be with her but also someone older than her.

#5 Alia_Caroline


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Posted 05 May 2013 - 11:01 AM

It reminds me A LOT of the movie The Pacifier, but an interesting plot. Like the names.

#6 Barbie


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Posted 30 May 2013 - 09:21 AM

Love the idea! Go for, from one author to another.:)

#7 SoonToBeAuthor


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Posted 16 July 2013 - 04:48 PM

Love the plot. Love the names. :) You got it in you!!!

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