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Middle name honoring MIL, upset my mom :(

in-laws middle names

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#1 Guest_JV_*

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

Hi there-

We want to give our daughter my Mother in Laws name as her middle name, however, this is our first child and the first grandchild for both sets of our parents and my little sister has told me that she thinks it would really hurt my Moms feelings if I were to name the middle name after my MIL.

UGH, problem is, my mom and I havent always had the best relationship and my MIL has been there for me like a mother for many of the years that my mother and I were not close. Also, my MIL raised 5 brutish boys and always wanted a girl so I thought this would be a really special way to honor what a wonderful mother she has been to so many for so many years. UGH, but I dont want to hurt my Mom's feelings either.

Any advice?

#2 ashooles


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Posted 18 February 2013 - 03:48 PM

I think that's a lovely idea :)

It's completely up to you what you name your daughter. I'm sure she'll love her no matter what!

#3 Fez


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Posted 18 February 2013 - 06:31 PM

Hello! I imagine this must be a very unpleasant situation for you.

I would keep this in mind while making my decision: Could you explain your reasoning behind your choice in a way that would help your mother understand? And if she gets hurt, would you be comfortable with her reaction?

I don't know or pretend to know your current relationship with your mother, but if it is a good one, would you be willing to honour her as well as your MIL, even though your mum wasn't always as supportive? Maybe you could choose one name that would honour them both.

I hope this helps, but ultimately it is your decision and you should choose a name that you love and that makes you happy.
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#4 Kristi18


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Posted 18 February 2013 - 06:41 PM

I think Fez said it very well.

Perhaps you could give the child two middle names? Maybe have the baby's first name start with same letter as your mom's first name? Or just an honest one on one conversation with your mom?

There are a lot of creative baby namers on board here. If you would like to share the names, someone may come up with an idea that would honor both grandmothers.

Good luck and many prayers!

#5 CLA


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Posted 19 February 2013 - 11:13 PM

I agree with the above posters, but I would also like to add that it is your husband's daughter as well, meaning his mother is just as important as yours and your mother should realize that. If you plan on having more children you could plan in honoring your mother with one of their names. Or honor both mothers in naming your little girl.
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#6 enpointe


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Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:31 PM

I think it all depends on how well your sister can read your mom and anticipate her emotions. If it is only a conjecture, I would not worry too much about it and use your mother in law's name as planned. Sure, it could be upseting to her, but it is just as likely that it won't matter.

However, if you think your sister has a good reason to believe that your mother will be hurt, is it possible that you ask her directly? Perhaps share your naming plans with your mother and see how she takes it. Before explaining anything, just let her think about it and get used to it. That way, she won't feel ambushed with the information.

If worse comes to worse, may be you could compromise and name another child after her (if you plan on having more children)? Or consider a middle name that somehow includes both grandmothers?

I get the feeling that once your daughter makes her debut, your mother won't care too much about the middle name, accept it for what it is and proceed to enjoy her grandchild. She'll be too proud and happy to care about anything else. Naming a baby after relatives is a nice gesture, but even if they are not directly included on it, the family bond is what is important.

We named our oldest son after my husband's mother. We have not and most likely will not use my mother's name, or versions of it, for our children. She is still a very loving and attentive grandmother.

#7 Kenz 08

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

U could always give ur child 3 names middle after ur mil & 2nd middle name after ur own mother , I did this with my eldest son & it kept everyone happy .

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