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Need advice vs. please help

This is not about the names, but I really need some support. I just found out weíre pregnant and donít actually know how I feel. We have three beautiful babies who are just 5 months old. Yes, I always wanted a big family, I am the only child of my parents and in my child years I always envied the other kids who could play with their brothers and sisters. However Iím not sure I could deal with them if I would be pregnant, with belly, and then again with one more little one, when triplets would start walking and need more and more attention. Do you think itís real to do? Hubby is happy, and I am happy too, but I canít say how I feel because I am so confused. We were thinking to have another baby but not in the next 5 years. I donít know what I want from you, just say something that you would do in my situation, I expect some advice or whatever. Big families especially welcomed. Thank you. Paula.

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Need advice 100% (1 votes)
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Comments

You asked if it’s real to do - I would say it is. It will take alot of time, energy, patience and prayer, but you can do it! By most standards we have a big family - 4 children between the ages of 2 and 6. Our first two are 14 months apart to the day so I can at least relate some of your mixed feelings. Three toddlers and a newborn will be a challenge. My only advice would be to not be afraid to call on the people in your life for support - to watch the triplets for an hour while you take a much needed nap, to bring dinner over, etc. I’ve found people are very willing to help, especially if you ask for something specific.

My prayers are with you and your husband! The blessings of a big family definitely outweigh the sacrifices!
posted by Capriana :: 2009-04-22 08:48:50 | report
I agree 100% with Capriana!!! Try visiting whattoexpect.com they have many message boards to offer some more advice and support. GL and God Bless.
posted by Ark :: 2009-04-22 08:51:06 | report
Thank you!!
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 08:51:41 | report
I’m sure it will be hard, but it is doable. You’ll probably need a lot of help, especially at first, but you can do it! There are so many women out there who would trade places with you in a heartbeat! You are truly blessed. It sounds like you have a supportive husband, which makes you even more blessed! Have this baby, even if it seems like it will be impossible! God only gives us what we can handle, so you must be one of those amazing women who can juggle, manage, and love a large family. If I were you, I would have this baby (even though I would feel much like you do...scared, overwhelmed, unsure), and I would feel blessed to have healthy children. I wish you the best of luck and an easy, healthy pregnancy and a healthy, perfect baby!
posted by guest: Alli :: 2009-04-22 08:51:42 | report
Thank you so much. This is not about having or not having a baby, I can’t kill a part of me, but I also can’t imagine what I will do with one extra baby, I mean, it’s pretty hard with 3 even though they are beautiful and calm babies :)
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 08:55:05 | report
I felt a little disappointed when I found out I was having another boy. (I was hoping for a girl) But then I started to think about how there are many couples out there who cannot conceive at all and would cut off their right arm to have their own baby, boy or girl. So what I guess I’m trying to say is you truly are blessed and to look at this as a blessing and a gift that God gave you. It will be hard but everything will work out in the end. You wanted a big family right? The only complication is the timing.
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 09:02:05 | report
I’m sure having 4 babies at once will be hard, but just think of how fun it will be and how close your children will be with each other! =) If I were you, I would work really hard to teach your triplets to get used to playing with each other and by themselves for a length of time. I don’t mean all the time, but for a good chunk of time. From a teacher’s perspective, it’s really healthy and important for kids (even babies) to be able to entertain themselves for a while and not depend on adults to keep them occupied. If you do that, you will make your life easier once your new baby comes and you will have smarter and more confident triplets! Trust me! My smartest students are the ones who can be creative with just a few art supplies, or look at a book from start to finish, or pretend and imagine. That’s my advice! Teach your babies now not to always be dependent on you for their entertainment.
posted by guest: K5 Teacher :: 2009-04-22 09:04:11 | report
I think it can be done, although it will be a challenge. Like some of the other posters said, you’ll need lots of help. By the way, what are your triplets’ names?
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 09:08:26 | report
You’re right, the only complication is timing, and that thing, that I have only two hands :) I guess we’ll need to have a babysitter even though I was hoping to deal myself.

Oh, and two boys are just great, two of my kids are also boys :)
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 09:10:21 | report
They are Joel Nathan, Preston Jude and Carley Blythe.
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 09:11:16 | report
Beautiful names! You probably will need a babysitter, at least a part-time babysitter or a family member to help out. But just because you have a babysitter or a nanny doesn’t mean that you’re a bad mom or that you’ll lose control of raising your babies. If you do have a babysitter, she’ll be there to help you, not take over! Or you could hire someone to do some of your housework (some cleaning, laundry, general housekeeping, etc.), and you could focus your time on your kids. If you live near a college or go to a church, you could probably find a college student or responsible teenager who would do those things and not charge you a lot. Just a thought!
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 09:16:59 | report
Nice names! You’ll be fine. You’re strong.
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 09:21:22 | report
Well thanks! :) It was quiet hard to pick names. Btw, I absolutely don’t know what could be another name to match them.

Did anyone here ever have an aupair girl? That one who comes from other country and lives with you. That would probably be nice, plus I would know her better if she would live with us.
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 09:27:30 | report
I’m so glad you are sounding much encouraged, Paula!!! When we got pregnant with our 2nd daughter, I couldn’t help think of the old joke "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him YOUR plans!". I love K5teacher’s suggestion of teaching the kids to play on their own. I’m amazed at how children’s imaginations can take off!

Beautiful names for your triplets by the way!
posted by Capriana :: 2009-04-22 09:30:07 | report
I completely agree with that joke, because we of course wasn’t planning to have three at the same time. And even less planning to have another one after a year (I’m due 24.12, and kids turn 1 in november). Thanks for the names :) This site helped us to pick them.
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 09:39:42 | report
I dont know much about having multiples but I have three single babies. My oldest is almost 3 and a half so I do know how you might feel having a pregnancy earlier than you have planned. I have loved it and know that you will too it is hard but you get through it. Besides my aunt had triplets and she said that as they got easier because they would entertain eachother and play together.Things will be okay and you will get though and look back a miss the days that you though to were going to go crazy!
posted by guest: momo3 :: 2009-04-22 10:22:02 | report
Thank you! I also don’t know much about having single kids, but I don’t think it’s much different, they are the same 3 babies just at one age. If they would be at least a year older and could do something on their own, I would have NO doubt at all. I just can’t imagine how will I deal with them when they start walking and climbing everywhere, you know.
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 10:34:49 | report
Just make sure your home is super baby proofed and that the triplets have a super safe and totally contained space to play. That will give you peace of mind and some freedom to do what you need to do! And if you teach them to play by themselves like the pp person said, it’ll work even better!
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 10:42:17 | report
You can buy those play yard things, not a pack-n-play or play pen; it’s like a short gate that bends and snaps together to make a large octagon and can attatch to more than one gate to make an even bigger space. It’s tall enough to keep kids in but short enough for them to see out. You can use it inside or outside and can be moved around your house if you want them to be in the same room with you, so it’s super versatile! You can find that at baby superstores and online. That would work great for giving the triplets a safe and contained space to play! Do you like that idea?
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 10:47:14 | report
Yes, that’s a really nice idea, maybe you have a link so that I can look at it?

As they are 3, there was not enough space in our bedroom for all the cradles, and they have their own room which is extrasafe. Now, I can leave them alone for some minutes, but they are not moving a lot yet :) So I don’t know what to expect later.
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 11:05:32 | report
Here’s the address for the "Superyard:"
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266978

And here’s the address for the "Superyard Extension:"
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266977

I hope the addresses work. I think you’ll have to copy and paste! Hope this helps!
posted by guest :: 2009-04-22 11:20:59 | report
I had twins and when they were four mths old I found out I was pg again. I felt the same way you feel. The babies ended up being nine mths apart because my daugther decided to be born when I was 7 mths pg. Now they are 9 and 10. It is all worth it. Keep praying and most definitely get support from family and friends. You will need some time out every once in a while. Just keep in mind, it won’t be like that for long. It will eventually get easier. Stay strong.
posted by guest: Erika :: 2009-04-22 11:35:06 | report
Thanks, Erika, your message really encouraged me! I would be glad if you would give some more practical advices about taking care of the kids when I will be strongly pregnant (5+mths). Do you have a babysitter?
posted by guest: Paula :: 2009-04-22 12:24:06 | report
Hi im in the same situation as you so i can relate,we have a 3 month old named Daisey Marie and i found ourt im pregnant again!My husband is in the army and when he came back this last time..well you know what happened.We have a big family already i have 1 son from a recent marriage name Gunnar Wayne who is 2 and he has 1 kid Shane is 6.And we have 3 togeather named Shooter Dale,Daisy Marie and now we are expecting again!so please dont give up on hope!!
Micah,Randi,and Shooter,Daisey,Shane,Gunnar,and baby 5.
posted by guest: Randi :: 2009-04-23 19:33:45 | report

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