Baby Name Poll Results

ok I completely understand what you are feeling and going through right now..Me and my husband got together when I was 17,he was 19. Now we are getting married in a month I am now 19 and will be 20 a month later. People still say that we are way too young to get married, and we are planning on having a baby in about two years, even though we are both super excited to. I will tellyou though that I have changed sooo much since I was 16 or 17. Just keep that in mind. Also if you truly feel you are ready to get married then go for it, but a baby is a very big deal and you need to know that you are ready to take someone elses life into your own hands. 20 is not too old at all to have a baby!

Ok, I am not a therapist or anything, but her goes nothing:

If you and your boyfredn are in love, which I am willing to believe, why does it matter that you wait? What does that marriage mean? Sure it gives you commitment, but marriages end so qickly now and days a wedding doesn’t even really ensure commitment. You are young. Don’t tell me how mature you are and blah blah etc. You aren’t even a quarter of the way through your life. I also wonder how many boyfriends you have had. Not many things are the greatest te first time around. Maybe you should both go out in the world and really see if you are meant for one another. Why are you so anxious to have a baby anyways? If you want to get married wouldn’t you want to enjoy some time alone with your husband? Kids add stress to any relationship. The marriage would completely change after achild comes into the house. You would lose a lot of the romance that makes the early years of marriage such a fun time. Also, babies cost more than you may think. Heck, pregnancy costs a ton also. At 16 I don’t think you should have your life planned out already. Live a little. take some time to enjoy your adult independance when you finish school. You have plenty of time to marry and have kids. Take a step back, worry about the present, you have a ton of life ahead of you.

I hope this helped in some way. I am 17, so i may not bethe best for advice about marriage, but I am just going on my ideals.

Thanks to both of you. I am going to try and answer some thing the best way I can so if it doesn’t sound right to you, I’m telling you ahead of time I’m not trying to be horrible or anything. I don’t think 20 is to old to have a baby, it’s still seems young to me but that’s in 4 years and it’s a long time to wait. I also want 4 kids with about 3 years in between each one. I would be 29 by the time I have my last baby, I know thats not old but when that kid is 10 I would be 39. If that kid wanted a baby at maybe 24, I would be 53 and I don’t want to be old when I have grandkids. Marriage to me isn’t a big deal because you can just get divorced anyway (I like the wedding part though, just like a big party) but it’s a big deal to Nick and his family. They by the way have no problem with us getting married. If it means alot to Nick then I’ll get married. I don’t know what you mean when you say "I also wonder how many boyfriends you have had". Are you asking me? If you are I have had 2, then Nick. I have kind of been around the world for my last holiday, that was when I met Nick. He was on holiday in Paris with his friends and so was I. It’s not that we are so anxious to have a baby, it’s just we want to start our lives together and we want to do that with a baby. If we make time for each other when we have a baby, I don’t think it would be as bad as everyone thinks. I do know how much everything would cost for a baby. My boyfriend Nick’s sister had a baby 5 months ago and his family is very close, so I know how much everything is. Money is not a problem though. I’m going to be finishing school soon, not high school because I’m in school to be a dolphin trainer, and I will be soon. Thanks for you help!

You don’t want to be YOUNG when you become a grandmother either. And don’t get so ahead of yourself! You’re 16! Not married & not a mom (yet). You have to think about the first step before you can go to the next. What about finishing high school & college? There aren’t too many jobs out there, especially for someone with no education. If you’re married & have a baby will your parents or his pay for college? You will both have to have jobs. Working & going to school & taking care of a baby leaves no time for two young people to enjoy life. And there are no words to describe how stressful it will be. My advice: finish high school, go to college, and enjoy each other before making such huge commitments. Have a least 1 stable income before bringing a child into this world. It’s tough no matter what. Don’t make it any tougher than it has to be.

I would wait. Wait until your at least 21 to get married, and wait until you are 23/24 to have a child. These are the years for YOU. You’ll never get them back. Marriage is a big deal and should be treated as such. If you are thinking "it’s not a big deal", then you are still not mature enough to handle it. You will have plenty of time to get married and have kids, and if your boyfriend really loves you, he will wait.

I’m 29 and have been married for almost 5 years. When I was your age I felt the same way about a guy who I ended up dating for almost 5 years. I’m so glad I waited, and didn’t end up marrying him. I waited for him to grow up like I did, but he never did. I found somebody a few years later who I knew was "the one". If you have reservations at all, (which you do otherwise you wouldn’t be posting it) then wait to do it.

Wait. Place your bet on the solid odds. Your kids have a better chance of growing up with both parents if their parents have grown up first. Sorry to be a realist. But I work with new families. Few teen couples make it past the first year after the birth of a baby. Enjoy your youthful enthusiasm, but don’t bet another human being’s life on it.

The fact nthat you said "Marriage to me isn’t a big deal" shows immaturity (in my opinion) and shows your age and the time period you grew up in. If Nick and his family take marriage seriously is he aware that you don’t take it seriously? I am not trying to sound condescending as, like I said, I am only a year older than you, but there are studies that show that the portion of the brain that is able to accurately make predictions for the future, and understand lifelong consequenses isn’t even fully developed until we are about 25 years old. I think your preception of age is a bit skewed also. My grandmother got pregnant with my mother when she was 40 - that was a huge deal in the 50’s- and she didn’t regret it at all. 53 isn’t old, espescially in today’s world. People are living to 85 years old, and having thirty years with grandchildren is not unusual. Seriously, just wait. Even if none of us convince you now maybe once you have a child you will have some regrets. Why rush something that doesn’t have to happen. People today are witing to have kids anyways, and I hardly think they are to old for children or will be too old for their grandchildren. Because my mom was born when my grandmother was 40 and I was born when my mom was thirty my grandmother was 70 before I knew her. I feel like I had plenty of time wth my grandmother and she wasn’t "too old" for me.

Marriage is a big deal, and creating another human being is an even bigger one. There *is* no bigger deal than that. Your thinking that there are no problems with any of this -- home, money/work, school -- shows that you have not figured out yet what is *possible*. Take some time to look at what there is out there in the world for the child of a college-educated, sophisticated woman with health insurance and a 401k compared to what is available for the child of teenagers who haven’t seen, done, or saved much.

While it will take some imagination on your part, try to put aside your selfishness of wanting things now now now and instead really think of that child you’re hoping for someday. What do you want for her? The women who provide the most stability, safety, and good experiences for their kids generally put off having those kids until after mama has finished college, had some experience with a professional life, and done a bit of her own living. Go to college. Get a job. Go to Europe. Then start thinking about having kids. You will be SO GLAD that you waited.

>>.that’s in 4 years and it’s a long time to wait.

Spend those four years going to college so the baby you do have will have the benefits of having a college-educated mother.

Going on about why your mommy thinks this or that doesn’t sound the tiniest bit like someone who is mature enough to marry or have her own kids. When you’re old enough to do those things, you won’t need mommy’s permission, approval, or financial support (from mommy or from the government).

Here’s what you need if you’re going to have a baby responsibly rather than like a pouty teenager who wants a baby now:

A year’s worth of income socked away and in your name only (so nobody else can take off with it).
Health insurance.
A job that pays enough that you can afford childcare on top of all your usual expenses (I’m not talking about what the father of the baby has -- you have to be able to do it ON YOUR OWN if he takes off, otherwise you’re not ready.)

Most people are not ready for responsibly having a baby until they are at least 25. If you start saving now, you might be ready when you’re 24.

You love Nick now, but who is to say that five years and 3 kids later, that he will still be there for you. There you are stuck with 3 kids and no college degree waiting on those child support payments every month. You could end up in the project on food stamps. What a life for those kids to live then. YOUR WHOLE GENERATION DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT NOW. Don’t be fooled by thinking you love someone, when really all it is is infatuation (sex).

THE DECISIONS THAT YOU MAKE NOW WILL AFFECT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

When you get married you commit yourself to another person. You say I will and I do FOREVER, not until we decide we dont want to be together anymore. I am 20 and my husband is 22, so I am not by any means old, but Divorce is not a plan B. How is your child going to feel in 5 yrs when you and daddy decide not to be together anymore. Regardless of your age you need to know 110% that this is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

i’m 22 , and my mother had me when she was 17 and father 19 they married when she was 21 and the marrage broke down when i was 7 my mother then decided that she wished shed gone to uni and i was then past around different people and care places after school while she studied and i saw little of her.

at the end of the day you will do what you want but this is just a differant point of veiw

I don’t know if you are still reading these or not, but if you are here is my advice. I am 25 years old. I just got married last year. My husband and I had been together 7 and a half years before we got married; and believe me we learned a lot more about each other in those 7 years then we knew when we started dating at 16 and 17 years old. It took us those 7 years to really understand one another and know that we were truly right for one another. You may think that you and your boyfriend love each other unconditionally now, and that you are ready for the commitment of marriage and children and living together, but you’re not. My husband and I had a rough spot between the time I turned 21 and he turned 21, and we actually had to take a break from one another for about 3 months. Not because we stopped loving each other, but because we were learning so much about ourselves and our own lives. After you graduate high school and move out on your own, the world is different. You have to make sure you know yourself and what you truly want from life before you make the commitment of forever to a person you love and kids. During the time we dated, my husband saved up money and bought a house so that way we would have somewhere nice of our own to live, and we waited until I was almost done with college so that I could focus on one part of life at a time. If the two of you really love eachother, (and I’m not saying you don’t because I started dating my husband when I was 17), just wait. You think it seems like such a long time right now because you are only 16, but its not. 29 is not to old to have your last child and 53 is not to old to be a grandmother. Do you know how young that is now a days? My mom is 40, she had me when she was 15, and take it from me that was a struggle, and it was unfair to her and to me. I’ve waited and done everything different then my mom and she is so proud of me. She actually feels she is too young to be a grandma at 40! She is just at a point where she likes to go out and have a good time. You have to think about the big picture and not just what feels good right now. You’re mom has a right to have a problem with your situation. Believe it or not, she does know that this is a bigger deal then you think. Believe me, if you wait to get married for another 4 or 5 years, you will be happier then you think and it will be 100 times more special because you will know that you took your time and did the right thing; I guarantee it. If you two really love each other, then another few years won’t matter; it will just give you that much more time to fall even more in love. And let me tell you, I work with a girl who is 26. She met her husband when she was 14. They had three children by the time she was 24 (her first at 15). They got married when she was 18. He was her only boyfriend; her only relationship ever. Now they are getting a divorce, and it pains her so much because of the kids especially. But, they turned into different people from the time they were 14, 15, 16 until last year when they seperated; and he did have an affair. That doesn’t always happen, but 9 times out of 10 it will if you don’t just wait. Please take everyon’es advice and just give it some time.