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I’m vs. Going vs. Crazy

Hi. My daughter Raelynn (17) is having a baby. She’s revealed the names to me and I cannot stand them. They’re horrible. I’ve been offering her more name suggestions, but she just throws me an attitude whenever possible. She doesn’t want to listen to reason. She moved out to "his" house a week ago to "get away from my tyranny." I don’t want my grand baby to have either one of the strange names she picked out. I don’t know how to otherwise convince her at this point. ~Patty

The Top Baby Name is...







Poll created: Aug 17, 2011
Total Votes: 1


It is her baby so as much as I hate to say it you\’re going to just have to deal with whatever she does name it...and without knowing the names we can\’t really offer suggestions on those names either.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:06 PM | report
What are the names?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:07 PM | report
Angelo Evan for a boy and Calista Brooke for a girl
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:10 PM | report
While they aren’t my favorite names, they aren’t nearly as bad as they could be. And the baby is her’s, not yours. I’m sure you’ll love the baby no matter what his name is.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:13 PM | report
To be honest there are a lot worse names than those that she could pick so i think the problem is more about taste than the names being awful. There is not a lot you can do but how about suggesting Evan Angelo or Brooke Calista if you preer them or something else. Like i said the names aren’t that bad! Calista could be Callie too if you like that
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:15 PM | report
maybe you guys can come to an agreement on nicknames so you dont actually have to call the baby by its first name...its more polite than insisting she change what she wants to name the baby
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:17 PM | report
Obviously, she’s shown that she isn’t good at making good decisions, so why shouldn’t I try to interfere with the baby’s name. And I hate Callie
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:19 PM | report
Her names are so fine! Raelynn is the weird name.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:20 PM | report
Not its not and her names are not fine.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:21 PM | report
There are way worse names out there...and it is her child so she’ll name HER child. Yes, it’ll be your grandchild but she is the mother and that gives her the right to choose the name...I’m going to suggest you two have more than just the babies names to work out though since you’re not even refering to ’him’ as the babies father or her boyfriend or anything but just as ’him’ and she feels the need to move out...might I suggest you look at your own actions and see if perhaps you are being a bit to pushy/hard/etc...she needs support not more stress than she’s already facing. You don’t have to approve or be happy about the situation but its happening and she’s making her own choices- be there to support her in those choices and help her not to hinder.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:24 PM | report
Well it seems like your too stubborn to compromise. It is her baby and i have to admit not meaning to be rude but Raelynn is a whole lot worse a name than Angelo or Calista. I think she has picked pretty well and her babies her choice. Maybe its just because your so resentful of her being pregnant rather than the names she has chosen that you are so against all of her choices to do with it!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:25 PM | report
But she’s still a child her self and can’t do everything herself. I say "him" because I hate "him"
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:28 PM | report
i think you have deeper problems. she is going to be a mother and her and the father are honestly the only ones that have to love the name. what if your mom didnt let you name her Raelynn?? she probably tried cause thats a horrible name. at least your daughter has picked out very nice, normal names
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:30 PM | report
reffering to her boyfriend as ’him’ seems like a pretty childish thing to do. Of course your upset about the whole thing but i’m not sure reacting like that will help. So she is a child? maybe that menas she needs the support of her mum at a time like this. She has a lot of growing up to do so i think maybe if you give her as much support as you can without letting your own feelings take over. I think she probably knows well enough you are dissapointed in her.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:32 PM | report
Well of course she can’t do everything herself and of course she’s your child and so to you will always be a child but she HAS made an adult choice and she IS the mother of your grandchild and HAS every right to make the choices for her child including its name. Really- you should encourage her to finish out school- even going to an alternate school- and get at least a GED and than continue on in some sort of college education. Its possible for young mothers to do that stuff you know? You should encourage her to get a job to support herself and her baby wither she’s living with him or with you- which if you keep pushing she’s only going to run further me i know my best friend was a young mother and my little sister too. You can help her if she asks for it. And you will have to come to terms with ’him’ because he is going to be a part of her and her childs life forever even if they end up breaking up because its also his child. Hate to say it but that’s how reality works in these cases.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:33 PM | report
First off, I was an adult when I had her, so I didn’t have to care about what my mother thought, and secondly what else should I refer to him as? I can’t stand him. I’m disappointed in the whole situation, so why should I act otherwise?
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:35 PM | report
By his name works. You are an adult. Be civil and call another person by their name. and because if you don’t come to terms with all of this and be supporting instead of constantly getting after her you’re going to push her away and your daughter is not going to want to spend time around you or have your grandchild around you and you’re going to lose out on very important moments in boths lives.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:37 PM | report
Patty, you sound like a teenager.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:38 PM | report
I can’t stand the guy and I won’t pretend to. I physically can’t tolerate being in the same room with him. I know the only reason she’s picked this silly little argument was an excuse to move in with him. I really don’t want "him" in the picture at all, I mean the idiot has done enough. She’s ruined her life and is now expecting me to be happy for her.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:39 PM | report
How do I sound like a teenager?
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:39 PM | report
it takes two to make a baby...THEY made a choice to have sex.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:40 PM | report
He’s done nothing to deserve my politeness.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:40 PM | report
agreed. you sound like a stubborn teenager, sounds like you and your daughter have some growing up to do
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:41 PM | report
I’m fully aware of that poster 21. He’s effed up his life too.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:41 PM | report
Explain how I’m being stubborn
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:42 PM | report
I think you should listen to what everyone here is saying rather than defend yourself. How your reacting is probably how you would react if your child got pregnant but now you have to deal with that. The more you push ehr away the worse it will get. She is young but now she is growing up. You have to deal with that and help her and be supportive of her. You obviously love her so I think you should stop pushing her away and try to help her as much you can. You seem to be being quite immature. She needs your help so give it. how would you feel if you were in her situation. It is a time where she i smost vunerablwe and the people she nneds who love her are pushing her away. Try t get over your own issues or you will loose your daughter and grandchild forever. It is understandable you hate her boyfriend but the more you express that to your daughter the more she will push you away and be closer to him. At least he hasn’t run and left her alone.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:44 PM | report
you drove your daughter away because you dont realize that she gets to name her child. and you wont become civil with her boyfriend aka the father of your grandbaby. people are on here trying to give you advice and you keep referring to the father as "him" and you still think her names are horrible, when they arent
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:47 PM | report
I don’t get how I’m "pushing her away." I was just offering my input and it wasn’t what she wanted to her and that’s not my problem.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:48 PM | report
Why don’t you want her boyfriend in the picture? You should be happy that your grandchild will have a father figure in his/her life. That is not very common with teens. It is both their fault that she is pregnant but i think you need to grow up. Your being stubborn because you wont accept things and let her try and do things her own way now. She will learn from her own mistakes and will be punished for it. I don’t think she needs you to point it out all the way and be so stubborn you will learn enough without that!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:48 PM | report
I agree with everything everyone else above has said except for you, Patty. Please consider everyone’s words closely.
posted by Ann :: Aug 17, 2011 04:49 PM | report
So you’re saying, the simple fact that I won’t refer to that boy by his name and the fact that I hate her name choices, make me a bad person that’s "pushing her away?" Oh wow.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:50 PM | report
youre causing more drama on here than a teen trying to name her daughter nevaeh
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:50 PM | report
But your not. Your driving her to her boyfriends house refusing to be civil with him even though he has agreed to stay with her for now. wont be suprised if you hate him so much you will either loose your daughter and grandbaby or your Grandbaby will lose a father. Either way that could be down to you. Do you want that? What does Raelynn’s father think of all this?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:51 PM | report
I’m not blaming him for her being pregnant. Its both their fault, and I’m not denying that, but I already hated him and this just intensifies the hate by a million. I get that the baby needs a father, but I still hate the guy.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:52 PM | report
Run Raelynn, run!!! your mother is of her rocker.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:53 PM | report
Why should I be nice to him? Since when does him knocking up my child grant him any type of niceness from me, helping her wreck her future? I must have missed that part. Don’t even get me started on my ex husband.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 04:54 PM | report
Theres more to it than calling her boyfriend ’him’ and her name choices bad and you know that. I think she is better off without you if all you can do is knock her down when she is trying to do things for this baby. Its not as simple as referring to him as ’him’ thtas just you being childish. Face up to the facts SHE’S PREGNANT and she needs you. your her mum. Stop driving her away with your petty remarks and stupid comments. All this is going to come back and haunt you. I feel sorry for you that you can’t accept things and because of that you are going to miss out on a lot!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:54 PM | report
I’m not "off my rocker"
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:54 PM | report
You may not have been trying to push her away- but the more you push for her to do things your way the more she’ll push to get away- if that means right into her boyfriends arms- especially since she obviously cares about him and maybe it’s got a little bit to do with the fact that its completely opposite of what you want her to do. Its a reaction I’ve found common in a lot of people when you try to press your oppinion on things on them and its not just with teenagers either- adults do it too sometimes.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:55 PM | report
We’re not saying be nice to him just because he got her pregnant. Just think of yoour grandchild and don’t be so selfish. Whats done is done its too late for that now. Just try and be there for your daughter and grandchild as best you can and if that means being civil to her boyfriend so be it.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 04:58 PM | report
I don’t knock her down, I state facts. I don’t sugar coat things, big deal. I have faced the fact that she’s pregnant, but you can’t expect me to be happy about it.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:00 PM | report
You’re also still arguing with us. We are completely unbiased, and telling you things you need to hear, but you continue to defend your actions - which appear to have sent your daughter to live with her boyfriend, whom you hate. Surely it would make FAR more sense to a)be supportive to your daughter and civil to her boyfriend, that way she may atleast live with you and not with him - if that’s what you want. b) Angelo Even and Calista Brooke - both names in my opinion are better than the name you chose as an ’adult’, but moving on - call him or her something endearing like Sweetheart or Hunny - it avoids the names that you hate and it’s a cute bond. OR call Angelo - A, Gelo (I know an Angelica nn Geli, so cute!) Lo, just Angel. Callista - Lissy, Sta (like star) Ally.

You’re being stubborn and quite narrow minded. Instead of listening to the opinions you asked for and taking on bored ideas and compromises that can help the relationship between you and your daughter/grandchild/baby’s father. Why do you hate her boyfriend so much?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:00 PM | report
I am trying to be there for her, but I don’t see how being there for my daughter means giving a sh*t about him. I’m willing to just not talk to him, but anything further is just too much.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:02 PM | report
We’re not saying be happy about it we’re saying be supportive of her. You obviously are not getting the opinions you want but i don’t know many people who would agree with your strange sense of logic. Just accept that maybe she hasn’t made the right choice but its too late for that. Its getting frustrating that you just aren’t listening!!! No wonder she moved to her boyfriends house.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:04 PM | report
I agree with everything people have said on here pesides you Patty. Besides I’m afraid you don’t really have a choice in the name either way because she will be filling out the birth certificate not you- and just saying: if you don’t back off and start being supportive instead of judging everything she does as a mother or what she’s naming her child you are going to lose your daughter and grandchild sooner than you think. No one is going to want to put up with being constantly critized.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:07 PM | report
You’re obviously not trying to be there for her! All you seem to be doing is being rude to and about her boyfriend - who I assume she must atleast be quite fond of. And critisize her relativly nice and mature name choices. How on earth is that supportive?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:07 PM | report
Her boyfriend is obviously not going anywhere right now so you can’t really be supportive of her without him being involved. I think for the sake of the baby you should try and talk to him be civil. Yeah, you hate him we get that your daughter ets that and i bet he does too. But its either him your duaghter and your grandchild or none of the above at the moment so make your choice. You can’t choose who is in your daughters life and who isn’t its her life, her baby and her decision!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:07 PM | report
I’m not trying to argue with you. I have no problem supporting Raelynn and my grand baby in whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that I hate him. He’s been trying to take my daughter from us me for the past 4 years.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:08 PM | report
And like I said, I willing to not talk to him, therefore not being a bother to him, no problem.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:10 PM | report
This is ridiculous, a grown woman who will only ’not speak’ to someone. He’s stealing your daughter... At this moment, he’s got her and it’s all your fault!
I don’t understand why you hate him SO much, surely if you just accept him, you’ll all bne happier - yes he got her pregnant (not that she is blameless), you may not like him. But you’re just being foolish!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:13 PM | report
Trying to take your daughter from you for the past four years? ...that doesn’t really tell us why you hate him except for the fact they’ve been together since she was 13. He may not be the man- or boy since you see them as children- that you would have choosen for her but obviously he is what she has choosen and ignoring him or pointing out to her that you dont like him isn’t going to do anything but make you the bad guy...anything less than treating him civilly will make you the bad guy in the situation in her eyes. What will you do if they stick it out together against the odds and get married? Ignore him even still? Not go to the wedding? He’s not a threat to you being her mother. No one can take that position away from you except you.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:13 PM | report
This is pathetic. Her names are NOT bad at all. She could be trying to name her daughter Nevaeh Diamond-Treasure or Destiny Wynter-Rose or Mercedes Promise. It could be a thousand times worse. Stop being hypercritical and maybe she wouldn’t be running away from you.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:14 PM | report
Your daughters growing up she is not going to be yours forever and you don’t own her. She is not an object to be ’taken away’ from you. It just seems like your not willing to let her grow up! If they have been together for the last 4 years i think they must be quite serious about each other and the best thing is to support BOTH of them or you wont be able to be there for any. She has gropwn up now, she’s having a baby HIS baby and he is there for her and so can you be so please stop being petty and grow up and let your duaghter grow up too. She can make her own choices she is her own person. She isn’t 5 anymore you can’t make choices for her. And 4 years? she was 13?? surely that has given you enough time to get used to him. I feel sorry for her if this has been going on for 4 years but if it has obviously you are doing nothing but driving them closer together by your hatred for him. They are together they are having a baby. Nothing you can do. Supporting your daughter means supporting all her decisions that includes HIM!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:15 PM | report
You’re going crazy?
No. You ARE crazy. I feel bad for your daughter. And I completely understand why she moved out.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:16 PM | report
Me not liking him, goes way further back than her being pregnant. Before his a** came along, Rae was a good girl, good student, and very close to her family. After him, that changed so drastically. Everything was about him, and it just [removed]es me off so much. She shouldn’t be this devoted to someone at her age. I mean, what’s so freaking special about the guy?
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:16 PM | report
Have you bothered to ask her that question without making it sound like an attack or shoting down any answer she gives you? If they’ve been together for four years there’s obviously something she sees in him that you don’t.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:18 PM | report
Just think of it this way- (and believe it or not) there ARE worse names out there. I know someone who named their kids Happy Sandy, Mercy Eleanora and Topaz Auden. Really compared to those names Calista Brooke and Angelo Evan are down right normal!! Be happy that she didn’t decide to name her baby a typical teen mom name. Oh and just stop and forget the father for a minute and just think: your going to be a grandma!! don’t let your obvious hatred for the guy get in the way of your time with your grandchild. Just tolerate him- you don’t have to be best friends with the guy because honestly I wouldn’t either but no one’s asking you to be!! You just have to set an example for your little grandchild- he or she isn’t going to really understand why you never say one word to their father. and it’s also quite rude on your part. Just saying.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:20 PM | report
You don’t sound like a mother, you sound like an jealous best friend ’my bff has a bf and she only cares about him, he’s stealing her from me, he’s not even special, she’s obsessed!’
You sound like you’re annoyed that she has a support system that isn’t you. Are you this angry when she gets really close friends that she’d rather spend time with?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:21 PM | report
I don’t understand why I have to like or support him. I can support my daughter without him in the equation. If I have to not talk to him, then its whatever, I can do that. That in a way is being nice because all we do is argue anyway. And to the poster that talked about them getting married, I don’t know what I’ll do if she actually goes through with that. I mean, I have to go to support my daughter, but the thought of her marrying him is just sickening. Hopefully Rae will come to her senses before then.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:22 PM | report
Well maybe you don’t think so but she obviously does so i think you should try talking to her like the pp said not attacking just talking. Have you never felt about a guy like that? I’m sure you have. She loves him so yeah maybe she seems young but hey they’ve been together 4 years they seem pretty serious about each other. Has he left her? no. Has he stuck by her? yes. Has he supported her? yes- more than you are. So you don’t like him but your daughter does.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:24 PM | report
Patty let’s say you are 100% right. This guy is a jerk and your daughter acting stupid. Would you rather be right or would you rather have your daughter and her child in your life? She has physically left and no matter what her reason is she has left you. The next step is to completely cut you out of her life. She is 17 and she can do that. Legally you have no rights to see this upcoming grandchild either.

My point is take a step back and think about why you are doing what you are doing. What is it getting you? We all do things for a reason. It’s perfectly natural for you to be hurt and scared for your daughter. Put yourself in her shoes. You are 17, pregnant, scared, and your Mom refuses to budge on names and on the guy who is your child’s father. Think about what you would want to hear.

If you cannot take yourself out of this situation to look at it from another perspective perhaps you need further psychological support in order to process this.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:24 PM | report
We’re not saying support him! Support your daughters decision to be with him!!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:26 PM | report
Actually, no. I don’t have any hatred for anyone in her life except Gabriel (there his name, happy now?) and she’s quite close her girl and guy friends. I’m not jealous, I just wished she’s pick someone better and I didn’t say she’s obsessed. If anything Gabriel is obsessed with her. I have asked her and its the same old "I love him/he’s good to me" crap every teenaged girl says about her boyfriend.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:26 PM | report
I can! But why do I have to talk to him? I know why I’m doing this. I hate the names and the guy. Simple.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:28 PM | report
No I mean look at it further. Hating the names and the guy are your opinions. You are entitled to your opinions. What is the reason you are taking such a hard stance? What is this going to achieve?
That is what I meant by taking a step back.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:32 PM | report
If someone asks you for advice and then they get [removed]ed off that you don’t like what they had to say, you’d probably take a "hard stance" too.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:35 PM | report
Everyone wishes hteir daughter would pick someone better i’m sure but it seems to me he makes her happy and for that you should be happy. Well have you thought maybe she does? I know it could be teenage stuff. I don’t know i don’t know enough about it. They are young and it probably wasn’t a very responsible or clever thing to do but you can’t get rid of a guy just because you don’t approve. How would you feel if you were with a guy felt as though you loved him (which she probably does even if it seems pathetic and tennagey to you- it has been 4 years) I think their relationship sounds a lot more stable than some adult ones. Just don’t push your hatred for him onto your daughter. How hard would it be if the women who has raised you for your whole life hates the guy who you love and who is fathering your baby? Its puting even more strain on the realtionship which as much as you hate him would you really like her to go through the pain of being a single mother when if it weren’t for you she could have the support of another half and a father for her child
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:36 PM | report
If you really love your daughter you will keep your opinions to yourself and try with all your heart and soul to support her even if he stays. Would you rather he left her by herself to take care of a baby- heartbroken?? And you should be happy he cares about her so much- would you rather he be cruel to her?? He loves her- she loves him- be happy for her!! you don’t have to like the guy but you don’t have to be mean to him either- lots of teenagers get in early relationships, have children and THEIR moms are 100% supportive- and I bet at least half hate their daughter’s choice in boyfriend too- but really she obviously doesn’t want or has had enough of your negetive opnions- think of good things- meaning: think about you becoming a grandma!!! Just think- I may hate the guy but at least there is one good thing about him being with her- you get a beautiful little boy or girl out of it that gets to call you grandma!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:37 PM | report
If not for your daughters sake than because your grandchild, if they’re in your life, will eventually start to wonder why grandma doesn’t talk to daddy and why daddy and mommy dont look so happy about going to visit grandma. Because it won’t be comfortable for any of you and because it won’t kill you to show common curtesy and at least acknowledge that he’s there "Hello, Gabriel." and answering if he talks to you- politely- works just fine if you’re ever around eachother. No one’s saying long conversations or trying to make friends with him...just for your child and her child’s sake you need to come to terms with the fact that he is a part of their lives.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:37 PM | report
And advice...well its just that. advice. If someone asks for advice than once its given its up to that person wither to take the advice or not...and a persons reaction to advice depends a lot also on the manner- tone, wording, etc- in which the advice is given.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:39 PM | report
Yeah but theres being annoyed and then there is your duaghter moving out. To be honest we are here giving you advice and look how you are reacting so i think thats pretty rich! And your daughter asked for advice not criticism of her life and the peope in it. By advice she probably meant support and help and a bit of guidance about the baby. All this i hate your names and your boyfriend juts eems like a way to get back at her for all the choices she has made that you don’t like. I am making a mental note of this so i can learn from it even if you don’t. I hope i never turn out to be like this even if my daughter makes some decisions i don’t agree with. Its going to happen no matter what!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:40 PM | report
I’ve stated this before and I will state it again: I can be nice, by not talking to him. I know that sounds really bad, but if you knew the dynamics of our relationship, you would agree as well and I am MORE than sure he has no problem not talking to me as well. She loves him, I get it. I WISH he weren’t the dad, but he is and I will get over it, but I can’t get over all the other crap. Gabriel has disrespected me personally too many times in order for me to be nice. There’s only so much one human being can take. And he has NEVER apologized and NEVER will.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:43 PM | report
Patty you said yourself she is a child. Of course she would react as such. Arguing with a teenager is like arguing with a wall.

Sometimes kids learn things the hard way.
Also sometimes people ask for "advice" when all they really want is just to be heard and supported.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:45 PM | report
I told her I disliked the names. Gabriel was never brought into the conversation, but she already knows how much I hate him.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:45 PM | report
(sorry for my english i´m from germany.)
i think she really love him,if she´s together with him for 4 years need to be there for all three of them.because they are a family.i´m 17,and my boyfriend and i are together for 4 years and two month now so if i would get pregnant and my mom wouldn´t like the names that i choose i would move on with my boyfriend too.
posted by Lucy :: Aug 17, 2011 05:47 PM | report
Let me further stress that her being pregnant doesn’t change the stuff that’s happened in the past.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 05:48 PM | report
How has he disrespected you? I know it must be hard to deal with but i guess everyone wants the best for their child but sometimes what we think is the best and what they think are very different. Hopefully things will pick up once the baby is here and you make that special bond.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:50 PM | report
By hating him so much you are forcing her to choose between you two. She naturally wants her child to have their father around.

Rock Raelynn Hard Place

You can hate him but be civil. Note I didn\’t say \"nice\" or \"pleasant\" or \"to forgive him.\" Be civil. No one should tolerate disrespect but how you handle it could cause a problem between you and your daughter. This guy is not worth it Patty. He is not worth your anger.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:51 PM | report
What has happened in the past to make this so bad and so unforgivable?
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 05:51 PM | report
You’re right, I can’t be angry forever, but I very much want to be. Like I said, ever since he’s come along, he’s been under the impression that he can just run off with her. Some days Rae would be in her bed, other days she’d sneak off to his house or where ever giving no notice, other days, I’d find his a** in her bed. I wanted her to gain her focus again. You know, remember that HER life isn’t all about him but his a** kept coming around. I talked to him like an adult, hell I tried to talk to him on his level to get him to understand that they are kids that need to listen to their parents and if I say she can’t see him because she won’t respect my rules then he needed to stay away, but stubborn idiot can’t follow simple directions like "oh I love her" (what the f*ck do you know about love?) and boom now she’s pregnant. Yay! That was me being sarcastic.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 06:00 PM | report
My Dad always said "teenagers are human becomings." When we acted like idiots we were told. Yet we always knew he was on our side and he loved us.

Raelynn just needs to be reminded that you are on her side. Even if she is acting like a complete moron.

Anger only hurts you. This guy has caused enough problems.

Also the more pleasant you are to people who hate you (I assume he isn’t a fan of you) the more it bugs them. It drives them mental. Another bonus is the nicer/civil,etc. you are the less he can argue that it is you who are the problem to your daughter. It would make him look like the jerk he is. She needs to learn the hard way.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 06:37 PM | report
I try to be nice to him, but its just so damn hard.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 06:41 PM | report
Those are the times when you bite your tongue Patty. Be strong. If he is the complete jerk you believe he is have faith in your daughter. Have faith that she will figure him out someday. It might just take her awhile.

I hope he ends up surprising you for that child’s sake. But who knows.

Just remember what I said. Do not do anything which gives him an edge to argue with your daughter that you are the problem. She is to oblivious to see that this undermines your relationship with her. So be conscience of this.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 06:50 PM | report
I know that in my brain, but in my heart, I’m very angry and hurt.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 06:52 PM | report
I know Patty but your daughter is worth it. That is why you have to do it. For her and your grandchild. You deserve them. So ultimately this is for YOURSELF. Never forget that.

The stronger you are, the more likely your daughter is to see it. The more she can see it and feel it the more she will learn about mothering from you. She really needs those lessons now.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 06:57 PM | report
You’re right. I guess I can learn to tolerate him.
posted by Patty :: Aug 17, 2011 07:03 PM | report
woooo! patty had a break through!!
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 07:54 PM | report
I can say that Patty you sound like a child!! I was 17 and still in high school when I got pregnant the 1st time and was 18 by the time she was born. I can tell you my parents hated him so much it wasnt funny but always always supported me 1000% and I know they didnt like the boys name I had picked out but they never said a word until I found out I was having a girl!! But they were very nice about it. I now have 2 wonderful little girls and a 3rd on the way due in Dec and my parents are wonderful and I can say if they acted like you are acting I wouldnt have anything to do with them!! My husband and I have had trouble coming up with a name for our 3 baby girl and I have thrown out names my family and his thinks are off the wall but never never has ANYONE said anything out of the way to us. I pray you have a break through and I am praying for your daughter and hope she makes the right choices and raises her child the best she can. I have been in her shoes once also.
posted by guest :: Aug 17, 2011 08:27 PM | report
Okay so your daughter is young & having a bby but its HER baby not yours. I can shee why she went to "his" house in the first place. You are just the grandmother.You arent birthing the baby nor are you carrying the baby for 40 weeks. Dont be so over bearing.
posted by guest1 :: Aug 24, 2011 02:55 PM | report
So was the baby a boy or girl? What is his/her name? Did things work out?
posted by guest :: Mar 19, 2014 11:34 PM | report

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