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Naming vs. Controversy vs. Help!

I am expecting my first baby, a daughter, in March. I was adopted when I was 6. My mother was struggling with addiction and was in and out my whole childhood. Now, she is sober and we have a good relationship, but I am extremely close to my adoptive mother, who was always there for me. I was planning on naming my baby after my (adoptive) mom. My birth mother is really upset by this and it’s putting a strain on our fragile relationship. Should I keep the name I picked, change the name so it honors my birthmother, or change it so it doesn’t honor anybody? Advice please! Thank you

The Top Baby Name is...







Poll created: Oct 18, 2013
Total Votes: 3


Its your daughter. Name her after your adoptive mother. She made a difference in your life. She brought you up. Your birth mother had a chance but ruined it so she has to deal with it.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
It’s your baby and you should name it what YOU want. If you want to name your baby after the woman who raised you then there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
Your mother is very childish if she feels this way.
posted by Tara :: 4 years ago | report
Wow she abandoned you when you were born, and she wants to abandon you when your child is born?!? She sounds terrible! I certainly wouldn’t be coerced into naming my child after someone like that.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
Your birth mother sounds very childish, and I wouldn’t name my daughter after her. If I were you I’d name her after your adoptive mother. But in reality, it’s all about which you feel the want to name her after. Good luck!
posted by Marie :: 4 years ago | report
It’s your child. Your mother shouldn’t be so upset by the fact that you were raised by someone else and you want to honor her.
You should probably explain to your mother that you love both of them but you wanted to honor your adoptive mother.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
Your adoptive mother is your mother, your biological egg donor had her chance, don’t change a name you picked out for your daughter that honors someone who made a great impact in your life, Grandma will be thrilled and your BM should be grateful, the end.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
Use the name YOU chose.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
You were planning to name her after your mother, the one who adopted you and raised you. I’d stick with that. I can understand you want to preserve the relationship that you’ve begun with your biological mom, so maybe you can let her feel special in another way. One idea would be tell her you’d like her to be among the first to see your daughter after her birth and would she honor you by coming to see/meet her right away.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
Honor your REAL mother, the adoptive one. DNA does not make a parent, actually being there does. You can use your birth mother’s name as a middle name IF you want to, but the fact that she doesn’t understand that she’s not your mother and the other woman is speaks volumes.
posted by guest :: 4 years ago | report
You just really don’t want to risk your fragile relationship with your mother over the petty issue of a baby name. Think about what is more important: The friendship of the person who brought you into the world, or the acknowledgement of someone by naming your baby after them. I’m sure you can show your appreciation to your adoptive mother in other ways that don’t cause conflict with you biological mother. Choose a different option, there are lots of lovely names out there, but permanently damaging the feelings of a person just isn’t worth it.
posted by 12jigsaw12 :: 4 years ago | report

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